The Insights from 18 Years in the Family legal system

In my 18 years in the legal field, I have had the opportunity to gain a deep understanding of the roles of judges, lawyers, their clients, and pro se litigants. My journey through this complex system has taught me valuable lessons about how justice is sought, interpreted, and often misunderstood. Today, I want to share some of those insights, especially for those who find themselves navigating the legal system without a clear guide.

Understanding the Role of Judges

Imagine you have a legal dispute. You are confident that the person you are suing has committed an injustice against you. You go to court, either representing yourself as a pro se litigant or with an attorney, and quickly realize that the process is far more complicated than you imagined. If you are representing yourself, you might find yourself overwhelmed by the technical requirements for filing documents and meeting deadlines. If you have an attorney, you might get frustrated when they ask for endless details, pushing you to gather evidence you didn’t think was important.

In frustration, you might fire your first attorney, thinking they didn’t follow your directions, only to hire a second one who seems more agreeable to your approach. This attorney might agree to follow your lead, even if it’s not in your best legal interest, and soon enough, you find your case taking unexpected turns. You may face technical denials or delays, and before you know it, you decide to represent yourself, believing you can argue your case better than any attorney could.

The Reality of Self-Representation

Now, you walk into the courtroom, having watched hours of Judge Judy and other courtroom dramas, confident in your ability to present your case. But when you stand before the judge, you quickly discover that the arguments you spent hours preparing are either dismissed as irrelevant or fail to sway the court in your favor. Your claims are denied, and you leave the courtroom feeling like you’ve been wronged by both your attorneys and the judge.

I once asked a Columbia Law School graduate if the court system was truly about justice. His response was enlightening: “It’s not just about justice; it’s about maintaining order while pursuing justice.” At the time, this seemed like a confusing contradiction, but after years of working with judges, lawyers, their clients, and representing myself, I’ve come to understand the deeper truth in his words.

Judges Are Not the Enemy

Judges are bound by the law, and while they have discretion, they must adhere to the legal framework that guides their decisions. Mistakes can and do happen, but they often result from incomplete or misleading information provided by attorneys or parties. It’s tempting to view every setback as a personal injustice, but I’ve learned that attacking the entire system is not the solution. Instead, we must focus on improving it.

A Call for Collaboration

Rather than blaming every lawyer or judge for the frustrations we face in court, we should work together to find solutions. This might mean pushing for legislative reforms, demanding better resources for judges, or simply advocating for more transparency in the legal process. I don’t believe all judges are bad or that self-representation is always a mistake, but I do believe that a collaborative approach can make the system work better for everyone.

Why I Became a Mediator

After starting law school and gaining practical experience as a paralegal with family law attorneys, I found myself deeply involved in my own complex family court battles. These experiences drove me to become a certified family mediator. I realized that simply fighting against the system without understanding it only deepens the pain and often leads to even greater frustration.

My goal is to use my experiences to help parents and families avoid the same pitfalls, ensuring that they, not the courts, have the final say in what’s best for their children. I believe that through collaboration, empathy, and a focus on real solutions, we can create a more compassionate and effective legal system.

If we want real change, we need to shift our focus from blame to solutions. Together, we can build a better legal system – one that truly serves the people it is meant to protect.